Relaunching Me

The Year of Me

I look in the mirror expecting to see the 35-year-old version of myself. Despite the fact that I have not been that age for quite some time, I am nevertheless shocked to see a middle-aged woman resembling a younger me and my older mother.  

Somewhere between becoming a wife and  raising three daughters, managing a household, caring for two dogs and a cat, navigating a global pandemic, and turning 50, time quietly moved on.

In 2020, my trip to  Hawaii to celebrate my half-century milestone was abruptly cut short. My husband was ordered by his employer  to return to Canada  immediately and begin a 14-day quarantine. As he flew home through LA  I searched for flights back to Toronto through a Canadian city, fearful of being stranded in the US. We watched in Hawaii as the world shut down, convinced life would return to normal in two weeks not two years.

Our lives shifted online and social interaction took place on Zoom. Sourdough starters, theme night dinners and online trivia dominated our household. Three years later we are still seeing the effects of the online lockdown on interpersonal communication. and workplaces that continue to have large numbers of their employees working remotely. I fear we have forgotten how to socialize in real time, how to have a spontaneous chat with a coworker or problem solve with a colleague who walks past or happens to be in the elevator at the same time. 

In my world, five and a half years later, my children are teenagers and young adults. They need me less. The days of organizing crafts, planning birthday parties, hosting sleepovers, and supervising swimming pools are behind me. I send them Instagram reels and jobs listed on LinkedIn that they do not open. I have reached the age where I am frequently told I know nothing or I just don’t get it. 

The fun stay at home mom who spent her days playing with my kids and watching endless dance performances and competitions is no longer needed. There are no more school fundraisers to plan or parent associations to join. Those connections are lost. That life has finished, for now. What’s left for me are the dust bunnies, the laundry, endless trips to the grocery store and the eternal question: “What’s for dinner?”

But underneath those everyday realities, another question has been growing louder.

Who am I now?

Who was I before I became a wife, a mother, and the manager of everyone else’s lives? And who do I want to become in this next chapter or am I truly happy with life as I know it and the path I am on? Do I even know what that path is? What do I want to achieve next? What life lessons can I share with my daughters?  The hardest question is one I never expected to ask: did staying at home and supporting my husband’s career set a poor example for my daughters? Will they understand the choice I made may not be available to them?  Does it seem hypocritical for me to encourage their careers when I left my own behind? 

When I was 17, the age of my youngest, cell phones and personal computers were not a thing.  I graduated from university of Waterloo without owning a computer, just a trusty typewriter with a correction ribbon.  I finally got a hand me down desktop when I did my MBA but still went to the computer lab to print my assignments. Now I have a laptop, an iPad and an iPhone. I mindlessly scroll social media, comparing my life to what I see, wondering and questioning whether I really need what they appear to be offering,

Now in 2026, 3 years after the pandemic was officially declared over I am finally finding time to reconnect with myself. Who am I now? This question has led me back to school, onto a golf course, accidentally into a new career, and into conversations about health, perimenopause, purpose, and reinvention.

This is my Year of Me.

A year to prioritize my physical and mental health, a year to overcome mom burnout. A year to explore new interests, learn new things, refresh or restart old skills and hobbies.  This is my year to discover what life looks like when the focus shifts from raising and managing children to rediscovering myself.  Golf, pickleball, Pilates, gym membership, physical activities that will prevent the dreaded aches and pains of midlife.  Hobbies that allow me to engage with other people, connect with new friends and old friends.  Things that are not focused on the ennui of household chores and cooking.

I’m not entirely sure where this journey will lead. Full time work? New interests to fill my time  or greater overall contentment continuing to be the property manager, travel agent and chef for the family still sharing our household.

That’s exactly why I’m writing about it.

Who am I now?  Someone posting their first ever blog!